We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
