grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
