I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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