morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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