Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
