it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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