I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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