You smell like stripper and shame
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
