if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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