Where did you get a picture of my penis
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
