i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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