Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found puke in my bra..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
