i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
