My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
