so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
