But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
