i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
