May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
