all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i need some magic done to my vagina
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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