The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
