i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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