you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize