There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
