don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
