youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
