Jerry, you need to find god
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
