My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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