i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
