the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
