I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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