Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
