threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize