Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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