you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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