He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
