Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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