I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize