so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
