If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
