I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
