legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's never too late to be topless.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
