Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
