dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize