Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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