I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
