Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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