youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
