Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
