Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
