fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
