apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
