Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
