U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
