It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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