If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
