All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
