Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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