Im at strip club and am horny
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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