i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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