FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and she was petting her beer can
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
