mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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