Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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