Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
