dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he shaved USA in his pubs
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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