is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
