I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
