I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
